Looking For Answers
by SmartAlexia
Summary: Stand alone. Alec is in need for answers. Max is there to help. M/A


Title: Looking for answers  
  
By: SmartAlexia  
  
Email: morvan_e@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them so please, let me live.  
  
Pairing: Max/Alec  
  
Feedback: It would really make my day!  
  
Thanks to: Sabrina, for editing my story (you rock !), Romain for the idea and this look you had on my work, and to all of you that are reviewing, it's too great I love that !!!  
  
Summary: Alec is in need for answers. And Max is there to help.  
  
  
  
He sat there, hands flat on the hard black steel. His eyes looking at the sky, and more specifically the stars. His mind was wondering; questioning itself. So many questions were floating in his head; he couldn't even point one out loud!  
  
The night was beautiful. There weren't any clouds in the sky, and the moon was glowing. It was all that was needed to show his handsome features. He didn't move when he heard her almost inaudible footsteps coming towards him. He just took in a deep breath.  
  
He had been up there for hours. When he told her that he was coming back after his little errand, she had expected him to do so. But after three hours, she was beginning to worry, and she started searching for him. She went to Crash, then to Jam Pony, then to Joshua's, and finally . . . here. The change in his breathing alerted her of the fact that he knew she was here. But he didn't say anything until she was sitting beside him, knees up under her chin, her arms hugging herself.  
  
"Why?" He let out in a whisper.  
  
She turned to him, curious about the meaning of his word. "Why what?"  
  
He turned his head to the side, never once leaving the stars filled sky from his eyes.  
  
"Why is the world like this? Why can't the humans just accept us? Why was Manticore created in the first place? Why did you burn my only home? Why didn't they want us to have feelings? Why are people so afraid? Why am I so afraid? Why is Logan Eyes Only? Why do you help him? Why do you always protect the transgenics? Why am I what I am?"  
  
She let out a deep breath, realizing she was holding it while he talked. It was one hell of a list of questions, she thought. And she was sure that she hadn't all the answer.  
  
"You want me to answer, or you just wanted to talk?" She couldn't help herself. He smiled at that.  
  
"If you want to answer, you can. If you don't, I'm not pressuring you."  
  
She nodded. And then turned her eyes where the moon was. "Why the world is like it is, I can't tell you. I really can't, because I don't understand it myself. I try to tell myself that it wouldn't be always like that, the wars, the running, the fear. But in the deepest parts of me, I know that I'm lying to myself. Humans can be the most cruel creatures I ever seen."  
  
She closed her eyes, and felt him turn to her.  
  
"Why can't the humans just accept us?" he asked.  
  
"Well, I don't know if that is correct in the first place. I mean, maybe sometime, they will understand that we are not the threat they thought we are, and they will accept us. But I'm sure that you and I will be long dead by then."  
  
"I wish I could walk out, proud to be a trangenic. Don't think I'm not proud to be one right about now. But it's hard to be someone, something that the "normal" people despise."  
  
She could tell he was really touched by the reaction the humans were having about the transgenics. Her hand reached him to touch his hair lightly, and he smiled.  
  
"Don't ever think you can't be proud of what you are, Alec. I wasn't proud of what I was for a long, long time, and now I regret it. I was made like that, and I take advantage of it everyday. A long time I tried to hide it, and you see what I became? A bitch. You say it yourself!" He laughed at her words. She smiled. "Now, I'm proud to be a freak. I'm proud to be different."  
  
"I like you better when you're proud." He said. She laughed and smacked him lightly on the arm. She decided to continue with the questions. "Why was Manticore created? I don't fucking know, but I would like to. Creating soldier children with a really strange purpose."  
  
He nodded, understanding.  
  
"Why did I burn it?" she asked herself. She breathed slowly, trying to collect her thoughts. She, then, shrugged her shoulders. "Because I knew that wasn't the real world, and that wasn't in it that you could be happy. It's true that, when I think about it, I'm wondering if I didn't do a stupid thing when I did it. Because now there is so many transhumans that have to stay low. Maybe they were better in Manticore."  
  
He snorted. "I don't think so. They were tortured in it. Everyday we could hear a complaint from the basement. Everyday they were singing, crying for their deaths. They were dying from malnutrition, from torture, from wild fights between a cat and a dog in the same cell...Out there, they are free. They can do whatever the fuck they want. But if I were one of them, I would leave the city, and quickly."  
  
She was surprised that he was so concerned about the transhumans issue. But he tended to surprise her everyday. He was so secretive, there were so many things she didn't know about him.  
  
"Why didn't they want us to have feelings? Because they didn't want us to escape from them. If we could feel then . . . we'd know about love and friendship, and then we'd be tempted by the outside life. That's exactly what they didn't want."  
  
"So why did you escape?"  
  
"Because me and the others members of my unit were friends. We were siblings. We knew that somehow existed, and we wanted to taste it."  
  
"Yeah, I understand."  
  
"Why people are afraid? I would like to understand that one. Humans don't like what's different from them. It takes time for them to assimilate. Like I said, I hope someday they will." She then turned her head towards the ground, far away from them.  
  
"Why are you afraid?" Max repeated. Now that's one I can't answer. I don't even know that you were afraid in the first place. You always seem so confident, so cocky, and so proud. I couldn't ever think that you were afraid."  
  
He smiled a little, but was hurt, in a way, by her words. "Hey, don't think I'm that insensitive. I'm part animal, but part human too. I have feelings. And I'm afraid, like every one of us. But I can't answer that myself. So I understand you can't either."  
  
She shook her head, amazed by this man beside her. He wasn't only georgous, but cocky and the most annoying guy when she first met him. Sure, he was that man in many ways, but he was so much more. So fierce, independent and sooooo loyal. She couldn't understand why she always thought of him as an ass.  
  
"Why does Logan do Eyes Only hacks? That a strange question from you." He threw her a wondering look, and she continued. "I mean, I didn't think you were interested in that. But I'm not complaining. I think he did this to...to feel better with himself. Logan isn't all white, you know. He had secrets that I don't even know, and I don't want to. He wants to clean himself, maybe. Anyway it's what I think. And why I help him? To clean myself. To wash all the terrible things I was told to do, in being a good girl who's helping the decadent society."  
  
He laughed. She turned to him, her eyes narrowing. "What?"  
  
"I just thought of the numbers of missions I would have to do if I wanted to clean myself from ALL the things I did." He looked at her, and caught her eyes. He shook his head no. "You don't want to know."  
  
She sighed. "Okay. Let's continue. Why do I always protect the transgenics? Because I think I owe it to them. I freed them, I need to help protect them. It's like a duty."  
  
"If it's a duty, maybe you shoudn't be doing it." At her curious glance, he went on. "I mean it mustn't be something you think of as a duty. A duty is something you don't want to do, most of the time. You dread doing it. And you shouldn't feel that way."  
  
"I don't feel that way. I want to do it. It gives me a purpose. It's great to feeling when you are useful to someone."  
  
"I know."  
  
She heard the pain in his voice. Something else that she didn't know and maybe she never would. But maybe one day...  
  
"And last one, why are you what you are? Because if you wasn't, someone else would have to invent you."  
  
They laughed and he pushed her lightly.  
  
"It's true!" She said, "You HAVE TO exist, Alec. Like Logan, like OC, like Sketch, like me. If you weren't there, something would be missing. And I know that I would miss you."  
  
He shot her a glance, but she was smiling to herself, her hair moving across her face. He took a strand between his fingers and pushed it aside. She opened her eyes and looked at him.  
  
"Thanks." He said simply.  
  
She was about to ask, when he pressed a finger against her lips and shook his head no. He then turned once again to the sky, as his arm hugged her to him, almost against her will. 


End file.
